Don’t Do Anything Stupid!

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It was his first day in a new school. Most people would be nervous but not Lem. He was excited. He hadn’t had too many friends in his old school, you see, and this was his chance to start over.

Nothing stupid, nothing stupid, nothing stupid, he kept repeating to himself as he walked up the sidewalk toward the large impressive building at the end of the street. It looked more like a British manor house than a school, but that made it all the more exciting for Lem. He loved anything out of the ordinary.

Lem also had a very curious mind. That curiosity is just what seemed to be the root of all of his trouble at his old school. He was always going where he shouldn’t go, and he was always asking “why?” whenever anything struck him as odd or interesting. He drove his mom and dad absolutely crazy with his questions. Many of his teachers at his old school hadn’t liked it either. Don’t get me wrong, they encouraged his questions at first. They all commented on what a bright boy he was. In the beginning. But sometimes, he would ask questions that they couldn’t answer or questions that weren’t exactly politically correct. This began to make some of his teachers, and other adults in the community a little nervous. No longer was he a “bright boy.” He began to be more often referred to as a smart aleck.

Teachers began to give him fewer opportunities to ask questions in class. Parents started not wanting their kids to hang around him. It didn’t take long for him to become a social pariah. His classmates just avoided him at first, then they started whispering behind his back, then whispering about him when he was in earshot. Finally, some of them started just being mean. A few of the teachers understood and tried to help him out, but this tended to only make things worse. Let’s just say, he was quite excited the day his dad come home and announced that his company was moving them to Button Island. His dad was going to be in charge of setting up a windmill power system there, so they would probably be staying for a while.

Now, here he was with a new island, a new town, a new school, and a new opportunity to make a good first impression. Don’t do anything stupid. Don’t say anything stupid. Don’t ask too many questions. Just blend in.

As he got closer to the building, he could see the schoolyard full of people sitting and talking, waiting for the bell to ring. Glancing around, his eyes stopped on three boys over to the left sitting cross legged under a tree. Their clothes didn’t stand out as any different from what everyone else had on, but that was where the similarity ended. Long black hair framed their bronzed faces, and their stern expressions and intense stares unnerved him a little. They seemed to be looking at nothing and at everything all at the same time. They must be island natives. He had been warned about them. In fact, one of the sailors on the ship that brought his family to the island had told him to watch out for them.

“It’s best if ye avoid them wholly,” he said, “but if ye have to do dealing with them, ye should be doing it quickly.”

“Why?” Lem had asked.

“Because they be a mean and vicious people. They’d rather kill ye than talk to ye.”

“Why?”

“I guess it be cause we’s came in and crowded them outta mosta their island. I spose they’s do have a reason for being angry,” the old sailor admitted grudgingly. “But that be many years go. Tain’t good to hang onna grudge so long. Sides, twasn’t none of us who done it. But I spose they’s still angry.”

“Why?”

“Well, they still got a rough time of it, seeing as they’s stuck on the far side of the island now, but they’s got a good village there. Sides, I don’t reckon they’d even want to live in town with alla us.”

The man’s voice rose with each sentence, and his face had begun to turn red. Lem saw the signs of impatience. He knew them well, but he just couldn’t stop himself. He really wanted to know.

“Why?” he asked. But that was just too much. The sailor threw up his hands in exasperation.

“I don’t know!” he yelled. “Go below and stop your jabbering.  Why? Why? Why? Ye’s worsen old Ben Tillley’s parrot.” He walked away grumbling and avoided Lem for the rest of the voyage. Lem gritted his teeth and gave himself a stern talking to.

No questions! No pestering people! Nothing stupid! A good first impression, that’s what I have to concentrate on.

Seeing the natives now, though, he wished he had found out more about them. These three certainly looked intimidating. He couldn’t help but remember what the sailor had said.

“They’d rather kill ye than talk to ye.”

Now, Lem was a smart boy, and he knew about prejudices, so he didn’t completely believe that, but looking at those still, expressionless faces, he decided that he wouldn’t risk it. He forced his feet to keep moving into the schoolyard and looked away from the intimidating sight under the tree.

That’s when a yell from one of the other boys caught his attention. It had come from a group clustered at the right of the school building over by the woods. They seemed to all be looking at something on the ground. Curious as always, Lem found his feet moving toward them. Another boy came running up to the group and yelled, “Whatcha got, Burt?”

One of the boys, Burt, apparently, turned and hollered back, “It’s a dragon.”

A Dragon? thought Lem excitedly as he ran over to see. 

Aliens Invade Florence, AL at 4:44 a.m. Monday, April 29th

Aliens Invade Florence, AL at 4:44 a.m. Monday, April 29th

It’s true! I saw them myself. Well, not them exactly, but I saw a projection and their space ship. Well, not a spaceship exactly. It looked more like a short bus. But it was definitely alien. I could tell because it had white lights coming out of the many windows on the sides and white lights shining out on the front and back. It made a strange noise, too.

There I was, minding my own business, fast asleep dreaming about playing a practical joke on one of my friends when I suddenly heard a men’s choir sing a long sustained low “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” It got louder and louder until I woke up and realized that it wasn’t a dream. That was when I saw lights shining in through my bedroom curtains, and I jumped up to look out the window. For those of you who don’t know where I live, my house is set back off the road just a little bit (about half an acre), and that space is populated by a thick assortment of trees. Now, I know that some of you might say I didn’t have a clear view, but I know what I saw. It was an alien short bus with tall window. Surrounded by that white light and making a sound that I’ve never hear any machine make before, it had to be alien. Besides, it looked just like something off of an old 80’s scifi movie, so you know it had to be real.

Intrigued at this strange phenomenon, I was determined to find out exactly what it was. I hurried into the living room in order to watch its progress down the street. I followed it by rushing to the front door window, then the kitchen front window, then the kitchen side window, then back to the French door. I wasn’t going to let it out of my sight. I watched it as it turned and wound around the curved road behind my house and then back again, travelling at a slow steady pace. It finally stopped at the end of a street (right in the middle of the one that goes in front of my house and the one that goes behind it). I couldn’t see it anymore at this point, but I could still hear it. I continued to watch out my kitchen window for a while. The fact that I had to lean uncomfortably over the faucet to see out barely registered.

So, here I am, at 4:44 in the morning (I looked at the clock at this point.) standing in a dark kitchen with a faucet pressing into my gut, starring out my window straining to hear that strange “Ahhhhhh,” just to satisfy my curiosity. As I waited for something else to happen, I realized that this would be a great opening to a Dr. Who episode. (The one with David Tennant, of course.) I had to laugh at the ridiculousness of that idea. After all, he wasn’t real.

As I stared out the window looking for my alien transport and letting my mind wonder, I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, that it seemed like a light had suddenly gone out over to the right by my shed. Frustrated that I had missed something, I kept watching that spot, and the shed suddenly lit up again. I followed the beam and saw that it came from the road. I rushed back to the front window and searched for the source of the light. What I saw confirmed my belief that it was aliens. There was a huge face made out of orange light staring at me from the road. I could see it clearly through the trees. Then, just as I began to wonder, the light went out and the face disappeared. I continued to gaze at that spot, and sure enough, it came back a few seconds later. (Thirty seconds to be exact. I counted.) It appeared and disappeared several times, staying on for an indeterminate amount of time and going off for about thirty seconds. But one thing was always the same. That face. That strange, huge, orange alien face. He didn’t move; he didn’t speak; he just stared.

So, there you have it. My experience with an alien sighting. It was an experience I will always remember. (Well, for a while at least. I don’t really have a great memory.)

Oh, I should probably mention a couple of other things just as a warning. The alien craft seemed to have stopped at the utility department. That could only mean that they are attracted to the power supply. I know that’s the reason because a little later I noticed that the orange Mercury vapor light on the street where the face appeared was blinking on and off at thirty-secondish intervals.

Maybe I should run to the store and pick up some bread and milk. You know, just in case.

Five Riddles to Test Your Intelligence

Five Riddles to Test Your Intelligence

After being around certain people, who will remain nameless, who seem to think that they know everything, I got to thinking. With the “I’m ok, you’re ok” mentality that seems to permeate society nowadays, it is entirely possible that they really don’t understand just how intellectually challenged they really are. So, I’ve decided to put together 5 common riddles for people to use to test themselves. If you don’t get at least 4 of these correct, without checking the answers first, then you should probably be very careful when stating an opinion.

Answers will be shown below.

1. What is as light as a feather, but even the world’s strongest man couldn’t hold it for more than a minute?

2. There was a green house. Inside the green house there was a white house. Inside the white house there was a red house. Inside the red house there were lots of babies. What is it?

3. What can travel around the world while staying in a corner?

4. Who makes it, has no need of it.
Who buys it, has no use for it.
Who uses it can neither see nor feel it.
What is it?

5. What is greater than God,
more evil than the devil,
the poor have it,
the rich need it,
and if you eat it, you’ll die?
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Answers:
1. His breath
2. A Watermelon
3. A Stamp
4. A Coffin
5. Nothing

Fun Snacks that Kids will Love to Eat

Fun Snacks that Kids will Love to Eat

Why is it that kids seem to automatically know if something is healthy or not just by looking at it. Many times, they won’t even taste something that’s good for them to see if they might like it. It’s like they have some kind of built-in health detector. Or maybe, no matter how hard we try not to, we adults give off some sort of signals that they can subconsciously interpret. The trick, I think, is to get them past that first visual rejection. If the food looks good enough or interesting enough for them to try, then they might actually like it. But how do you do that? Well, this website (http://spoonful.com/galleries/cute-and-healthy-recipes#carousel-id=photo-carousel&carousel-item=2) has some very cute recipes. They just might be able to do the trick when it comes to tempting those little humans into liking the right kinds of food.
I’d love to know if it works for you. :)

A Spring Poem

A Spring Poem

Since Spring Break is finally upon us (at least for those of you who live near me), I thought it’d be appropriate to share a springish poem with you. Most of you know this one, and if you do, I hope you enjoy it again. If you’ve never read this one before, you’re in for a treat. :)

I WANDERED LONELY AS A CLOUD

I WANDERED lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed–and gazed–but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

-William Wordsworth

Grumpy Cat Has Nothing on Bad-Tempered Batfish

Grumpy Cat Has Nothing on Bat-Tempered Batfish

The rosy-lipped batfish and her slightly, uhum, friendlier cousin, the red-lipped batfish (come on, we all know what kind of women wear bright red lipstick) are two ladies who don’t let anyone tell them what to do. They break all the rules with an in-your-face attitude that just dares you to say something.

For example, let’s look at how they get around. They’re fish, right? And fish swim, don’t they? Not these ladies. They refuse to be controlled by society’s expectations. They don’t swim. They walk! But if anyone tried to criticize them for it, they just might get an earful.

Small fish and other little creatures who live in the ocean have learned to keep their distance from them, especially small shrimp, mollusks, crabs, and even any worms who dare to venture underwater. They’re lucky to escape with their lives on a good day. (They happen to be the favorite food of our batfish.) They certainly wouldn’t make the mistake of upsetting them.

If you think you’re brave enough to meet such strong-willed women, swim on out around the Galapagos Islands or the Cocos Island off the coast of Costa Rica and say, “hi.” Let us know how you fare.

The Door to Hell: Found in Turkmenistan

The Door to Hell: Found in Turkmenistan

Abandon hope, all ye who enter here. Dante Alighieri, The Divine Comedy

During Dante’s time, the gateway to Hell would be a place to fear and avoid. But today, tourists visit the small village of Darvaz for no other reason that to see the Door to Hell, and of course, take a picture of themselves standing in front of it.

So, what exactly is this place? Well, as you could probably guess, it isn’t the real door to Hell. It’s actually a deep crater (300+ feet wide by 65+ feet deep) that has been burning since 1971. A group of geologists were drilling at the site when the ground gave way under their heavy machinery. The resulting crater was filled with a natural gas that the geologists feared would escape into the atmosphere. So, what did they do? They set it on fire. They hoped that it would burn up the gas in a few days, but over 40 years later, it’s still burning. And what a sight it is! So, the next time you’re in Turkmenistan, stop by and check it out. Just don’t get too close to the edge. It might not be the real door to Hell, but you still wouldn’t want to fall in.